I Want to Swing, but Don't Touch My Wife: The Guide to Accepting Your Wife's Pleasure

A male preparing himself to swing can be a lonely road... It's not something that we can easily talk about with our closest vanilla friends. Can you imagine talking to the boys about letting someone have sex with your girlfriend or wife, the same way you guys regularly talk about sex? “Hey i let Stacey get smashed by some dude the other day” or “*** blown out by this couple last night”... The terms we use to describe sex alone will make your friends look at you like you’re crazy. So a lot of times we are forced to work it out in our own heads or do some reading in secret. Not all of us came into “The Lifestyle” knowing from the beginning that we would enjoy watching our women have sex with other men, and I am one of them. In fact the first time it happened was a terrible experience for me... Still, I did try again. And I ended up enjoying it completely. In my time in the lifestyle I have run into many men who had similar problems starting out. Certain actions make them insecure, bruise their egos, and gave them trust issues. Some of them could get over these things and find enjoyment, others found that swinging wasn't for them. I wanted to take some of these things that I see with newbie males and help them understand the new world and frame of mind that they are stepping into when it comes to watching your partner take pleasure from others.

Men usually come to a points that cause them discomfort and confusion in these two scenarios:

1. You want to try swinging but you don't want another man pleasing your wife. Why, because you are worried she will like his sex more than you. You are worried she will want him still after it's over. This could lead to you being afraid she will leave you for him, but let's be real, we are men... The thought of someone being better than us far outranks her leaving us in our brains, lol...

2. You started out swinging at full speed, had your first swapping session and you got insecure from hearing your wife moan the same way she moans with you. Watching her facial expressions during sex with the swapper. These things ultimately make you compare how she reacts to you versus how she reacts with him.

Firstly, you are not alone. Allot of us men have seen things happen with our wives during swap sessions that have made us stop and wonder.. It happens... You can believe that they have watched us and done the same things at times. The key to beating these feelings is to truly analyze where they come from in ourselves and also have real heart to heart conversations with our wives to understand what those things mean to her. If you can do those two things, you will find out for sure whether you can be a swinger or not.

So without further ado, I would like to go over a few main bullet points that will help you get over Ego Mountain and on to the promise land of swapping!

1.“Showing Interest in Men”.

This will probably be your first line of discomfort. I have seen this one really make a man lose his mind... I remember when I was first getting into “The Lifestyle”, this was a tough one for me (no I wasn't always the perv I am now)… It was hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I wasn't the only person that she could be interested in at the moment... “Am I not good enough” or “Can she be trusted” used to run through my head a lot, but communication and trust, ended my fears in time. Look, the reality is, no one on this earth gets with the one they love and never thinks anyone else looks good. It's natural to find qualities in others that attract us. We choose not to act on these feelings when we are in monogamous relationships as a way to prove our love, so we form commitments that put our loved ones above everyone else... When it comes to swinging you have to change this train of thought some. Make an adjustment I would say… When you are a swingers couple you still have boundaries and commitments towards sex, but you are widening them when it comes to you both enjoying sex with others. You are saying its ok for you to show affection and intimacy in others as long as it's in a controlled environment that we can both find enjoyment from. You are not giving your woman a license to just show interest in every hot guy she sees. Nor are you saying she can sleep with whoever she wants... At the right time and place you two are allowed to let each other enjoy relaxed boundaries because it's comfortable and it turns you both on… This is the foundation of swinging... You have to both want to see each other perform. It can't just ONLY be about you or her getting the nut they want from someone else. If you don't care to watch your significant other be please by someone else, you are in this for the wrong reasons. Remember that before this, your wife/gf has never shown her interest for other men in any proactive manner.. She loves and adores you. This isn't the guy that’s going to replace you, move in, and start taking over all the bills. He is the guy that you have chosen to allow her to have a little extra fun with, the same way she is allowing you to play with his significant other.

    2. “Moans Are A Good Thing”.

This is another one that will fuck with our heads... When we heard our woman moan uncontrollably for the first time... I think there is one thing that goes through every man's mind “I got her ass now” lol… This is one hell of an ego builder... “Look at what I made her do”. She’s shaking... She can hardly talk. She is sweating and out of breath… “Man I put in some work!” That work solidified your control over her. She could never get fucked like that with anyone else... “IM THE KIIINNNGGGGG OF THIS PUUUSSSYYYYYYY….”

Now that's how we have all felt at some point or another about our significant others… but here is the reality... You may be her best partner ever, and this is very possible. You may be the only man that can make her cum or in a specific way… but you can't ever think that there is no way she will not make the same sounds, or reactions to sex with someone else.. I mean come on guys... How many different ways can she show happiness with sex? Should she have certain moans and groans that she only does with you, and then another set of moans for everyone else?? Can she only talk dirty to you or say your name, but never say that stuff when she is with a swapper? Can you imagine having to think about that constantly while having sex? What if she told you that you could only stroke in and out on another female. No circular movements … all of a sudden this isn't as fun... “She is hindering my performance... I can't really put it down like I want to… It’s not like I’m trying to marry the chick. I just want to make a good show of it...” well if that is what went through your head, then now you *** when they can, and make noise. There is only so many ways that all of that can be done guys… If she sounds like she enjoys it, it doesn't mean she is leaving you, it doesn't mean she now realizes that there is another good dick in the world. It doesn't mean that YOU AREN'T SPECIAL!! It just means that she enjoys it... So cheer her on! Tell her to take it! Tell him to fuck her harder... You would be amazed at how much more fun swinging can be when you two interact with each other during it! The best thing to do for this issue if you have it, is to talk to your partner about what could possibly make you uncomfortable from her reactions and see what you can come up with to gradually work to the point where they don't anymore... Maybe you need a few sessions in before she can go 0-100, which is fine... Just try not to hinder her permanently or at the end you will be hindering yourself.

     3.  “Your Woman Is Not Dickmatized”

Your woman is not dickmatized by you nor can she be dickmatized by any other man. She is not the *** alone is the sole reason why she will love him forever, and never leave him... I *** Spear of Destiny or the Magic stick that squirts out the love potion 69…Now this is not to say that your wife doesn’t think you are her favorite or her best lover... As we mentioned in the point above, you could be the only man that ever made her cum... Or cum a certain way... so how can someone else possibly make her sound the same way you make her sound during sex... It just means that you have to face the reality that you're not the only man that can make her feel good during sex. A woman can have a few top lovers in her life for many reasons, but there is a reason why she is with you and not them... It’s because you were able to stimulate her mentally in a way no other man can... And that's the thing that separates you from everyone else... Your heart AND your dick… To put it simply. If a woman is in love with you, your 5 inch dick will feel like 10 inches... Consequently if she hates you, your 10 inch dick will feel like 5 inches.

    4.  Equally Speaking... If either one of you can be affected by swinging to the point where it negatively affects your general sex life, then you don't need to be doing this. You have to have trust that each of you can come out of each swing session satisfied with each other. There has to be a bonding experience. In my opinion. If you didn't enjoy watching your partner... Then something went wrong... In my experience a lot of swingers after years of different experiences, can go left in this aspect... All of a sudden they aren't focusing on the experience for the bond. They don't have anything to talk about after the experience is over. Nothing turned them on or excited them about watching their partner... If they watched them at all... The experience has become more for personal variety then about sharing each other... Don't ever forget your roots... Because the longer you stay away from them, the harder it is to get back to them.