Hey Guys,
Here are some Quick Tips to a Successful (as in having fun, not getting laid...I ain't nobody's pimp) night at ANY... moreHey Guys,
Here are some Quick Tips to a Successful (as in having fun, not getting laid...I ain't nobody's pimp) night at ANY swing club:
1. Do your research. Figure out what night is catering to the best crowd, theme and price range for your sensibilities. Off nights, like Mondays or anything midweek, are more attractive for those with thin pockets (no hate, no shade)...but you get what you pay for: an off night with no guarantee of a crowd, or maybe crowded with a rowdier or less desirable bunch of folks, more {possibly creepy} single dudes. The larger and more organized parties tend to be planned far in advance so that folks have time to plan and prepare to come out.
2. Bring Sand to the beach- If you are a couple, let's keep it 100. You should NEVER have any complaints about going out with your sexy Bae and having a good time. Treat every LS adventure as a Sexy Date Night for you both. Outside of that, reach out to any prospects and entice them to come out and party with you. You are on a damn swinger website. Get out of your fucking house and meet some damn swingers! If you start up a dialogue 1st with folks, you will worry less about getting a cold shoulder in person. Even if they are aloof in person (most aren't if you actually speak to them like cool, somewhat sane and respectful human beings), then you know that those aren't the people that you need to be around. Not everyone will like you, or vice versa. It happens. Spend your energy connecting with those that do. And develop a thicker skin to rejection. In this world, you will need it.
3. Have NO Expectations- People are people. One minute it might be a go with some sexy strangers, the next minute, someone gets cold feet or a couple squabble or some other "party done". Shit happens. The less you go into things expecting a payout from anyone other than you and your Beloved, the far far FAR less chance that you set yourself up for disappointment. When things don't pop off with others, man up and and bang your personal hottie silly on one of the beds.
4. Lastly, once again...you get what you pay for- Y'all let me know in what other scenario IN LIFE would you get a place to dress up as scandalous as you want, eye fuck other scandalous sexies, possibly meet and fuck said scandalous sexies on amenities provided, drink as much as you bring and not get arrested or raided for your Hedonistic behaviour...all in the span of a legit night out? You ain't getting that for 30 bucks a couple. Leave the vanilla club prices right with the vanilla club mentality. This IS a far different world. less
Swingers who also practice the D/s dynamic usually practice their kinks either openly or quietly at swing parties. Most... moreSwingers who also practice the D/s dynamic usually practice their kinks either openly or quietly at swing parties. Most would not have a full on BDSM scene at a swing play party. However, collars and QoS tattoos are clearly visable.
Some may say that the act of sex in and of itself implies that one person is by default dominant and the other is submissive. I've read the misogynistic musing of a rather off kilter male who declared "The female gets fucked by the male, therefore she is in a position of submission. The act of opening her legs for a man, is in and of itself, submission to the authority of his cock. Sucking dick is also an act of submission."
God forbid a woman should enjoy sex and all of its activities, without closed minded individuals disrespecting her desires!
For those who do practice the fine art of dominance and submission, their dynamic is usually also expressed within their swing activites. For those dominants who have trained their submissives to be the perfect sex slave, cum slut, anal queen, etc... what better place to show off all of your hard work, than at a swing event? A swing party is a sex slave's fun house. A swing party gives the submissive n opportunity to entertain as many play partners as their dominant allows, proudly showing off all of their hard earned skills. Double and triple penetration, 3somes, 4somes, gangbangs, analbangs, bukakke, snowballing, forced bi, exhibitionism, voyeurism, etc. All of the slut training that was done in private may be fully executed at a swing party. Subtle scenes of humiliation, degredation, objectication and verbal abuse may also be played out.
For those who practice cuckoldry, and are comfortable revealing their dynamic publically, a swing party maybe a wonderful setting for watching one's hotwife being serviced by multiple bulls. A cuckquean may watch her hothusband service multiple women as well. Bear in mind, swingers take little notice of a collar/choker. However, chastity belts and cock cages may be a jarring distraction.
I've seen and practiced submission at swing parties in the form of reliquishing my right to choose a play partner. My partner and I would speak at the meet and greet, I expressed to him with whom I would like to play and once play began... he chose who I played with. In doing so, he had a guideline as to what I liked and within the pool of men I identified, he picked who would be allowed to play with his prized posession. He directed how they should play with me, and advised them when I had had enough. I said nothing, and may or may not have made eye contact with the play partner. They approached from behind, as I pleased my partner orally. They asked my partner for permission to play with me. My partner responded, yes or no. I belonged to him, he determined who would play with his sex toy for the night.
A gangbang is another type of event where the recipient may fully submit. At a gangbang, the submissive is the center of attention of 5 or more people, who's only task is to fuck and objectify them. The submissive at a gangbang, is the ultimate piece of fuck meat, willing to be ravished. All participants lineup or encircle the bed talking smack and fucking the submissive senseless. Gangbangs are not for the faint at heart. Objectification, humiliation, degredation, verbal abuse are all aspects of a good gangbang. Depending on what was negotiated, bukkake, cream pies, golden showers, spitting, hair pulling, open handed spankings, choking may also on the menu. If the submissive enjoys being objectified, humiliated, degraded, and verbally abused... a group of 5 or more in a gangbang is the perfect setting for having that kinky fantasy fulfilled.
Swing may be a sex slaves/subs safe haven. It may also be the perect place for a dominant to show off all of their training skills, and share their sex toy with others.
As always, play safe and play often.... BossBlaque less
Ahh ladies, the coveted MFM. Two straight men and a very, very happy woman. This is my personal favorite. The center of... moreAhh ladies, the coveted MFM. Two straight men and a very, very happy woman. This is my personal favorite. The center of attention for two hungry males. This is as close to swinger nirvana as some of us will ever get. Other than group sex, of course. In a MFM, I let the men take the lead, it's the perfect time for me to relax and be pampered. I am the feast, and they are the famished.
Be as prepared as possible... Are you ready for this? Really ready to become food for two hungry men? Are you prepared to hold your own when, and if things get primal? Are you ready to deal with your partner possibly losing his shit as he watches you enjoy another lover? Are you ready for the smile on your husband's face as he watches you gag on another man's cock? In a MFM threesome, you must have at minimum 2 fully functioning holes. Is your vagina up for some serious pounding? Is your tongue and throat ready to lick and suck until the men are tired? For those who like anal... are you sure, you wanna do this?
Your partner knows every inch of your body, your likes and dislikes. If the third in your MFM is a man that you have laid with in the past, you are ahead of the game. If not, you are in for a world of surprises. You can talk about all of your likes and dislikes, but once dicks get hard and pussies get wet, the rules tend to bend a bit. Is the new guy going to remember that you don't like a finger in your pussy when he sucks on your clit? Will he remember to pull your hair when he's fucking you from the back? When he unexpectedly slips a finger in your ass, will you freak out or go with the flow? How will you tell him to shut the fuck up, when he's talking too much during sex?
Pillow Princess not allowed... You're the center of the threesome and are expected to fully participate. Grab a dick and get to sucking. Move those hips and get to fucking. Trying to find a smooth rhythm can be tricky. If each male is in his zone trying to get his nut, his way... things can get very tricky, and you as the female will get caught up in their tug of war. Stand your ground and remind them, this is your party and they have to focus on your needs. Keep sucking and fucking. Catch you breath and keep them both focused on the mission, fucking you into a wonderful orgasm!
Double trouble... Don't let your vagina cloud your judgment. Every MFM fantasy in your head, doesn't need to be fulfilled in the first MFM that you experience. Two dicks in your mouth at the same time... well, not all guys like the idea of crossing swords. One or both may go limp at the attempt. Let the fellas introduce that idea. Double penetration, one in the frontdoor, the other in the backdoor... unless you are an anal queen, leave this one to your 3rd or 4th MFM with guys who are both comfortable with you, and each other. Here's the thing... the membrane that separates the vagina from the anus is very thin. Once inside of you, each guy can feel his dick sliding against the other dude. Crossed swords is a feeling many guys cannot tolerate. Losing an erection is a possible side effect of double penetration.
There is no perfect approach to the MFM, but the more you know, the better it will be. My first was at a hotel party. Everyone came to play and boy did they ever. Anal was not expected, so, it was a wonderful introduction. I did lose track of the order of things once or twice, but the men always brought me back on track. Keeping focused has always been an issue for me. My favorite MFM position is doggy style, one in my mouth the other behind me. But, when things get hot and heavy, I always focus on the guy behind me, and can't concentrate on properly giving head. I. must. work. on. that! The guy behind me gets rode hard... and the guy in front ends up watching us orgasm. Then we switch and the other guy gets his... but the oral can get sloppy once I'm penetrated. I always keep this in mind, I have to learn to focus.
Find a position that works best for you. You may have to try out a few. Bent over doggy style works best for me. The guys are farthest apart and don't have to cross paths much. Lying on your back one in front and the other at your head is another good position, but, this can be a bitch on your neck. Get a pillow, or have him sit at an angle that works best for you. Reverse cowgirl, riding one, while giving the other head is also a good option.
The swing lifestyle has been a fun ride. I've met interesting people of all walks of life. Young and mature, all shapes,... moreThe swing lifestyle has been a fun ride. I've met interesting people of all walks of life. Young and mature, all shapes, sizes and cultures. What I have noticed, and it may be based on my limited experience, the lifestyle tends to be very segregated. All black, all hispanic, all white, that's pretty much it. Each group stays amongst themselves and there isn't a whole lot of mixing. Blacks, and latino do mix, especially if there is an interracial couple, but for the most part, play parties tend to be rather segregated.
Whenever, I see a hot date posted, and the host emphasizes "classy", I laugh to myself and ask... what are they trying to say? No low-class individuals allowed? Who wants low-class people at their party? No one wants loud, unruly guests, why does "classy" have to be stated on the hot date invite? Or, is there some other meaning to their desire to emphasize the need for "classy" individuals?
I've read profiles that specifically state, "no black males" a preference for an individual couple is fine, but as a prerequisite to a party? I've witnessed instances where couples didn't want to entertain white males. I had a Italian play partner who got no love from the other women... which meant I couldn't play with their men either. After seeing that happen one time too many, I no longer attended parties with him. He was well hung and skilled, I knew it, but the other females weren't interested in having sex with a white male. A white hispanic male mentioned the same issue to me. Most women wanted a BBC, they didn't want to play with him. The women, regardless of race, assumed white males would be less endowed. This assumption is one of the worst stereotypes. All black men aren't hung, all white males aren't small.
One of the saddest experiences that was brought to my attention was a particular hostess who only fucked black males are her pay for play parties. I was unaware of this policy and invited her to a free private party. She showed up and only played with the host, who was white. I was later told by someone who has known her for years... she is very particular about the color of men she will fuck. I called bullshit, and told him... nope! She will only fuck black men, if they paid to attend her event. She refused to fuck black men for free, but will gladly fuck any troll who shows up at her event and paid for the pussy! He tried in vain to defend her play partner preference... but, couldn't.
Then there was a play party where my mentor tried to explain away why the blacks and hispanics played with each other, and the white couples only played with each other. The hotel room was sectioned off, bedroom and living room. Blacks and hispanics happened to be in the bedroom, and the white couples happened to be in the living room. According to my mentor, the reason why things played out the way that they did, was due to the fact that the rooms were separated. Okay, fine. I didn't see what I thought, I saw. Or, I'm just pissed that I didn't get to play with those two hot white guys... or that sexxy ass girl. Yeah, that's it, I didn't get what I wanted, and I turned it into a racial issue. Maybe.
Now, I say all of that to say... I love diversity at a play party. The more that I have to choose from, the better. More people to choose from, check! More racially and culturally diverse, check! A mixture of newbies and vets, check! The more the merrier. Like minded swingers sharing and swapping should not be segregated. Nope, not that. The loud, rowdy, ill mannered, ummm no... they can stay home. Keep them on the banned list.
The easy answer seems hell yea, but let’s break it down a bit. I also understand that there are some single guys that... moreThe easy answer seems hell yea, but let’s break it down a bit. I also understand that there are some single guys that give “decent” single guys a bad wrap and it's just easier for couples and single women to stay clear until the stars align lol.
From a “decent” single guy’s perspective that’s exactly what it seems like. The stars need to be aligned before you are treated like an individual and not just another single guy. But let’s at least look at the options…
EventsEveryone mentions going out to events, but do you understand one event can cost a single guy a few hundred dollars each time. Plus going to an event can be hit or miss. I’m not a cheap guy at all, but do I really have to put out hundreds of dollars by attending multiple events to prove that I’m a “decent” single guy?
There’s also the option of going to events with a playmate. There are some perks to this (reduced admission, guaranteed playtime, etc) but there are also some cons. You’re restricted to not really being a single guy and you better not venture off solo during the event….you’re definitely gonna be labeled “that guy”. You know that guy who looks like he sent his girl to the bathroom, just so he can run around alone. I swear you have to do so much just to not look like a creep. And there are also the couples who choose not to play with “arrangements” like that. To a degree I understand, but on the flipside it just adds another barrier for a “decent” single guy.
CouplesFor me personally, couples are tricky. It’s similar to what BossBlaque mentioned, we are not the help. This is as much an experience for us (single individuals), as it is for you. It often times comes off as….”well you get to fuck my wife, so you have no rights.” I’m not in the lifestyle to get my sexual numbers up, nor do I look at fucking your wife as my greatness accomplishment. This should be a pleasant mutual experience for each for us. Am I wrong?
With that being said and maybe this is just me, but I like to have sex the way that I like to have sex. I’m passionate, I’m touchy-feely, I like to talk my shit. It’s not comfortable getting into your element, yet wondering if you’re going too far, is everyone really comfortable, or even knowing that the woman is having similar thoughts, so she draws back. For example, there are many couples who don’t allow kissing and I respect everyone’s decision-making, but again, I like to have sex the way that I like to have sex. Should I not be allowed the same freedoms as you, because I’m a single guy?
The websitesSimply put, you gotta be in it to win it. It does you no good to have a profile, yet no one knows you exist, so you have to be active. The thing is...after multiple comments, messages, and likes, do you come off as the site creep? “He’s always commenting” can easily be said about a single guy just staying active and present on the site. Is there really a winning strategy for a “decent” single guy?
Final Thoughts...no Jerry SpringerI hope I haven’t come off as a disgruntled single guy, as I have had my fair share of great experiences in the lifestyle. But in the thought of improving, I was led to many of the thoughts I mentioned above. Is there truly a winning strategy? I’m really curious and I’m sure there are other “decent” single guys out there who share similiar sentiments.
What should we do guys lol? I personally am not going to compromise my sought out experiences, because it is I that is CHOOSING to be a part of this lifestyle. I honestly feel that no one should have to compromise, but hey…..to each’s own.
This was a fun topic to speak on and I want to make it clear that this is just from my perspective. I totally know that there are other single guys who have completely different views and experiences. These were just my combination of words stemming from thoughts….and BossBlaque has been very inspiring with her blog posts lol.
#SingleGuysLivesMatterToo less
We love you, we really do. And, a man with nice body, handsome face, well equipped and is talented with his tongue...
well... moreWe love you, we really do. And, a man with nice body, handsome face, well equipped and is talented with his tongue...
well damn!!! The ladies appreciate you... honestly, we do. However, if you are part of a couple, when approaching an
alleged unicorn always let your lady take the lead after introductions are made. Men who lead and leave their lady out of the communication
process simply look like cheaters trying to fuck around on their wives/girlfriends. If the two women don't bond on any level... chances are,
they're not going to play well together. No woman wants to feel like, you've just found her potential replacement.
Swinging
may enhance the Kink in a relationship, but done the wrong way, can ruin one. For the single male (this may apply to anyone).... present yourself well.
Nice photos, updated photos (no one cares what you looked like 10 years and 30lbs ago), tasteful nudes (moisterize!) or semi-nudes
(I wanna see those abs and booty too!). Show some wit and personality in your profile. Remember, your online profile is the first
impression that you're conveying to fellow swingers. If she thinks you're a dud... she's not gonna fuck you.
Know how to be a gentleman, and not just say that you are a gentleman. A simple... "Hello my name is ______,
I read your profile and would like to get to know you better", works wonders! This is a swing site, we are adults,
and we all know what the end goal is. So, stating your desire to have sex, in your intro message is rather redundant,
and can be downright, rude. The "nice tits! we should fuck!" message, will get you cursed out and blocked.
If you don't know how to talk to a woman in the vanilla world, approaching and engaging a swinger
will be even more difficult for you. Yes, we are all here for the same end goal... sex. However, that doesn't negate the fact
that we are still human beings who deserve to be respected.
There are those who desire a deeper connection...
and there are those who are simply creating random memories with random people. To each their own. Some couples will want to exchange
numbers and keep in touch, some won't recognize you at the next event. It's life, shit happens, try not to take it personal.
In the end,
keep the women communicating... keep your cool (and your erection!) Assert yourself and keep trying, you will reap the multi-orgasmic rewards.
And, always be a gentleman.
I Want to Swing, but Don't Touch My Wife: The Guide to Accepting Your Wife's Pleasure
A male preparing himself to swing... moreI Want to Swing, but Don't Touch My Wife: The Guide to Accepting Your Wife's Pleasure
A male preparing himself to swing can be a lonely road... It's not something that we can easily talk about with our closest vanilla friends. Can you imagine talking to the boys about letting someone have sex with your girlfriend or wife, the same way you guys regularly talk about sex? “Hey i let Stacey get smashed by some dude the other day” or “Kerri got her back blown out by this couple last night”... The terms we use to describe sex alone will make your friends look at you like you’re crazy. So a lot of times we are forced to work it out in our own heads or do some reading in secret. Not all of us came into “The Lifestyle” knowing from the beginning that we would enjoy watching our women have sex with other men, and I am one of them. In fact the first time it happened was a terrible experience for me... Still, I did try again. And I ended up enjoying it completely. In my time in the lifestyle I have run into many men who had similar problems starting out. Certain actions make them insecure, bruise their egos, and gave them trust issues. Some of them could get over these things and find enjoyment, others found that swinging wasn't for them. I wanted to take some of these things that I see with newbie males and help them understand the new world and frame of mind that they are stepping into when it comes to watching your partner take pleasure from others.
Men usually come to a points that cause them discomfort and confusion in these two scenarios:
1. You want to try swinging but you don't want another man pleasing your wife. Why, because you are worried she will like his sex more than you. You are worried she will want him still after it's over. This could lead to you being afraid she will leave you for him, but let's be real, we are men... The thought of someone being better than us far outranks her leaving us in our brains, lol...
2. You started out swinging at full speed, had your first swapping session and you got insecure from hearing your wife moan the same way she moans with you. Watching her facial expressions during sex with the swapper. These things ultimately make you compare how she reacts to you versus how she reacts with him.
Firstly, you are not alone. Allot of us men have seen things happen with our wives during swap sessions that have made us stop and wonder.. It happens... You can believe that they have watched us and done the same things at times. The key to beating these feelings is to truly analyze where they come from in ourselves and also have real heart to heart conversations with our wives to understand what those things mean to her. If you can do those two things, you will find out for sure whether you can be a swinger or not.
So without further ado, I would like to go over a few main bullet points that will help you get over Ego Mountain and on to the promise land of swapping!
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1.“Showing Interest in Men”.
This will probably be your first line of discomfort. I have seen this one really make a man lose his mind... I remember when I was first getting into “The Lifestyle”, this was a tough one for me (no I wasn't always the perv I am now)… It was hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that I wasn't the only person that she could be interested in at the moment... “Am I not good enough” or “Can she be trusted” used to run through my head a lot, but communication and trust, ended my fears in time. Look, the reality is, no one on this earth gets with the one they love and never thinks anyone else looks good. It's natural to find qualities in others that attract us. We choose not to act on these feelings when we are in monogamous relationships as a way to prove our love, so we form commitments that put our loved ones above everyone else... When it comes to swinging you have to change this train of thought some. Make an adjustment I would say… When you are a swingers couple you still have boundaries and commitments towards sex, but you are widening them when it comes to you both enjoying sex with others. You are saying its ok for you to show affection and intimacy in others as long as it's in a controlled environment that we can both find enjoyment from. You are not giving your woman a license to just show interest in every hot guy she sees. Nor are you saying she can sleep with whoever she wants... At the right time and place you two are allowed to let each other enjoy relaxed boundaries because it's comfortable and it turns you both on… This is the foundation of swinging... You have to both want to see each other perform. It can't just ONLY be about you or her getting the nut they want from someone else. If you don't care to watch your significant other be please by someone else, you are in this for the wrong reasons. Remember... less
a sneak pic of my recent bday celebration....
If you are new to swinging then you are at the rigt place. MY WILD LIFESTYLE... morea sneak pic of my recent bday celebration....
If you are new to swinging then you are at the rigt place. MY WILD LIFESTYLE is home to all levels of lifestyler; from veteran swingers who can show you the ropes and how to tie them to newbies who are sticking their feet in for a test swim. Just by browsing the MWL community you can gather how diverse our delicious members are and you can even sample the buffet once you have your own account. Despite the differences there are some pretty interesting commonalities between all successful swingers. The rumor that swinging is all about having a good time is certainly true but there are a couple more generalities that mark the vets from the rest. Think you are exempt? See for yourself by checking out the list below!
1. Most lifestylers know that the secret to keeping a successful partnership is communication, and the secret to many successful partnerships is not any different. While we are not all master linguists, lifestylers tend to be more honest about their wants/desires/fetishes and can be a more vocal group (especially when we get together). A swinger can be easily distinguished by our love to flirt, and our skills at it. Our love for passion and our urges to express it can be a beautiful thing. We flirt over direct messages on swingers social sites, we send sexy text messages (how to properly send dick pics) and we tongue tussle all the way into the bedroom at times. While flirting is for the right reason for us swingers, in the vanilla world flirting may seem overt, suggestive or even unwanted. Luckily, when scouting or unicorn hunting, lifestylers use their extensive study of body language to determine if a potential lover can be converted or not. Flirting has become so innate that we sometimes open up the mind of theinnocent without intention. I personally think flirting should be considered a dialect in both the world of flavors and the vanilla world. But that could be the sapiosexual in me…
2. If you have ever been to an MWL party then it is NO secret that this community embraces nudity to the fullest! For us, nudity allows you to be shameless and secure. Being naked is being proud of your sexual/physical state and also makes shopping for potential lovers a bit easier. (I am a sucker for some great manscaping btw!) A lifestyler will almost always take advantage of the opportunity to take off some clothes, if not all! In the vanilla world nudity can be offensive or unnessecary. Thus, we must take to nude beaches and events in order to be comfortable. However, a lifestyler can’t pretend in the comfort of their own home. Expect to see more flesh the closer to comfort we get. I personally think clothing is actual more unnecessary than the natural body will ever be. But then again my birthday did just pass
3. Speaking of birthday suits I think it is safe to say that every single member of MWL has had one of those non forgettable, epic, over the moon birthday celebrations. Swinger birthday parties are unlike anything you have ever even tried to dream of until you experience them. The pictures and videos of my recent party can only give you the trim to what was the most delicious treat I could have wished for. When you make friends from your lovers, the gifts they give are endless. And the orgasms unlike any other. Since your vanilla friends will KNOW it’s your birthday you may have to plan two events. One where you eat birthday cake and sing songs, one where you get your cake eaten until you sing. One where you unravel gifts in celebration, one where your body is unraveled until you are swimming in appreciations. Drinks and dancing at your vanilla bday, licks and spankings at your lifestyle one.
4. My true lifestylers read that and laughed at the thought of being compoletely vanilla anywhere at any time. Veterans know, once you are deep into swinging, no party is EVER a vanilla party. I have been to bbq’s, picnics, and bowling alleys with my ls friends. Grandmas, mommas, babies and coworkers have been present at these events. When I was new I would uphold my best behavior, thinking it a shame if I exposed my friends for the freaks they were. Little did I know that flirting was only one of many slight offenses us swingers tend to slip-up on in public. Slight touches, subtle indications and even winking can occur during these vanilla events. This keeps the tension high between lovers and also adds an element of fun that poor vanillas could never understand. Now, worst-case-scenario has happened before. The fact of the matter is, even if you don’t want to come out of the closet (the LS closet can fit 10 couples easily btw) once you are a swinger, little will encourage you to keep it a secret. The people you love will love you even if they don’t understand or agree with you. Plus, being open means less sneaking and more potential converts in your social sphere. But if secrecy is your style… do like T-Pain and blame it on the... less
The Seven Sins of Online Swinger Dating: The best way to navigate your online swinging profile
... moreThe Seven Sins of Online Swinger Dating: The best way to navigate your online swinging profile
GREED:Know your servings. Always pay attention to whether a profile represents a couple or a single.USE THE APPROPRIATE GREETING: acknowledging both members of the couple and be sure to ask a single female about her current status.
The Ultimate Sin: Sending a message to a couple and only acknowledging the female!!!
ENVY: No camouflage.. Ever! Men in couples should not chat online with anyone under the pretense that they are the wife/gf. ALWAYS BE CLEAR ABOUT WHO IS SPEAKING. Not only is this deceitful and misleading but it doesn’t work for couples you actually play with. Once you all get comfortable with each other its going to become obvious that she wasn't the one talking.
The Ultimate Sin: Flirting with the male half of one couple in lieu of your absent wife. Just despicable. You will probably give the couple a good laugh after the startle fades, but they will laugh at you when they see you. Every. Single.Time.
WRATH: Don’t hold someone in contempt if they have to tell you no. UNDERSTAND AND RESPECT OTHER SWINGERS’ SCHEDULES. People have jobs and family lives … So dont be surprised if very few couples/singles can’t meet you for a weekday playdate. The best course of action is to always plan for the future.
The Ultimate Sin: Intentionally planning a play date/party that conflicts with another member out of spite. Accidents happen and birthdays tend to cluster but if a play date is planned way ahead of time, the appropriate thing to do is to reach out to that person first and see if you can alter or even combine your schedule.
SLOTH: Nothing is less attractive than a lazy lover! Closed mouths don't get fed. If you see a couple or a single female that you are interested in, don’t just click on the like button. SEND THEM A PRIVATE MESSAGE and really get to know them!
The Ultimate Sin: Waiting till you meet them at the party to tell them how much you’ve been thinking about them. Especially after e-stalking their pictures!
PRIDE: Don’t be too bold. Though most females get away with lewd photography (it’s even in burger commercials) there is a certain sexy to keeping it classy. Always be aware of where you share pictures and how receptive the receiver is to nudity on their phone.DICK PICS ARE NEVER A GOOD THING to lead with when contacting a couple or single lady.
The Ultimate Sin: Sending a couple’s or single ladies' account an unsolicited dick pic. Ewwwww.
GLUTTONY: The Lifestyle is not an "All you can eat" buffet. You can't just grab anyone you want and get what you want at any time. Before you stick your face in some yummy, stick your nose in a book! Make sure you HAVE SOME KNOWLEDGE BESIDES HEARSAY. Swingers have a different definition of love than most contemporary couples and we tend not to think the same way vanilla people do. Reading blogs/articles like this, signing up on a discrete swinging community , and going to swinger meet-and-greets are great ways to learn the lifestyle lingo and avoid offending any potential playmates.
The Ultimate Sin: Coming to a swinger party with a stranger just for the kicks of it. We don’t need vanilla voyeurs anymore than a dog needs fleas. A new swinger can come and inform themselves but if you are not lifestyle friendly, just lifestyle curious, then I would like you to google any inquiries you have from the safety of your desktop. Thank you!
LUST: While we can admit this is probably the one sin I promote the most, there is a limit to all things even the sultry and delicious. Do not be too forward and DO NOT EXPECT SEX with someone simply because they are a swinger or attend a lifestyle event.
The Ultimate Sin: Becoming belligerent/spiteful or even disheartened because a potential playmate turned you down. C’mon. You’re a sexy ass mofo. Go out there and find someone who can help you get yours harder than he/she/they could! less
The first time you discuss swinging with your partner can be a bit….nerve wrenching. So if you have gotten past that stage and are now approaching your first date with another couple or your first time at swinger party there are a couple of things you should be sure to know. Let’s face it, swinging is about having fun and making love. There are different rules for everyone but these are the basic how-tos for newbie swingers.
BE THE BEST YOU
Simply put swinging is VERY much like monogamous dating. You should be at your best presentation because, just like with dating, who you impress affects who you will have success with. Don’t wear your high school gym shorts to a black tie event because you want people to know you keep it simple. Show up and show odd. If you have been having a bad day then it might be great to go out for a party to get your mind off of things. If you are having a miserable day, your head is aching beyond repair and you feel off about a soon coming swinger date then just do the mature thing and cancel the date. Misery might love company but she does not need it!
This also means be you sexually. Know offhand what you are and are not into and what you are willing to try. For couples you should have discussed and set boundaries regarding all the things that occur in your relationship and can occur in a swinglationship, including: kissing, different room play and phone number sharing. Honesty is key and cannot be over said or over done. In this case being honest with yourself can save you a lot of trouble and grant you a lot of fun. Joining a swinger website like www.mywildlifestyle.com allows you to personalize your profile so that you can list your preferences and filter your search for other swingers. Talk about the fast track, right?
FIND YOUR VIBE
More than just helping you find other swingers and singles who match with you, swinging sites can help you find the swing club for your style. If you know that BDSM is something you want to see to get you turned on then definitely attend parties that advertise BDSM themes and have demonstrations and classes. If you think that dancing, drinking and maybe a little spontaneous room play is more your speed then you should attend parties like this upcoming one, a special little Valentine’s Day Treat hosted by us
It is also very smart for you to have an idea of what kind of activity you are ready to participate in and are willing to view. This is especially true if your first party is a private party with a couple or a swinger veteran. You may have a distaste for anal (no pun intended) but if you don’t express that in advance you might walk in on a colonoscopy fantasy with a nurse outfit bleached and ready for you! Know what type of play you want and you will probably meet people more like your style and more attractive/attracted to you.
DON’T KILL ANYONE ELSE’S VIBE
Attraction is not the end result and as we discussed earlier this month, you can definitely find someone attractive and still have a hard time getting it on. If you are on the market for a swinger (what a delicious market that would be!) you may want to follow these golden conversation rules. No politics, race or religion. Just don’t do it. In the comfort of your own home and with a very intimate relationship this rule can be ignored. However, for the first time swingers you may want to give a list of info; a resume of sorts to the people that you are partying with. Trust me, just save the communication for the fun stuff.
LET IT RIDE
While communication is a stepping stone there is an element of romance that is bred and fed off the unsaid. That means there are times when being honest is more about being silent than saying anything. If you or your spouse meets someone and immediately you ask to put their fingers down your crack so they can get a taste of you, you MIGHT get a warm respond. Or you might get a really cold one and come off as disrespectful. For a lot of people swinging is more about intimacy than sex and being too frank is not advised. Speak with your eyes. Speak with your dance moves. Speak with your smile. All of these tools can be used to indicate attractiveness as well as or even better than words. Of course you should exchange some words once the mime-foreplay is over but remember to be mature and respectful even when discussing plans in the bedroom.
GET SUPPLIES
So you and your spouse are about to do the deed. You danced the night away at a fun party, met some sexy people and exchanged numbers, went through your rules and are heading home with a sexy single lady who you both want to bend into a figure eight. You head to the hotels but can’t quite complete your date. You forgot your necessary items at home. Now most people will be thinking condoms but when it comes to the act of sex there are A BUNCH of things that a person may need to bring... less
One of the BIGGEST and MOST COMMON issues with swinging is finding yourself attracted to one of the members of a couple... more
One of the BIGGEST and MOST COMMON issues with swinging is finding yourself attracted to one of the members of a couple but ..sadly.. NOT attracted to another. Or there is a single member who has the hots for you but you can not even imagine…
Your partner or friends may encourage you to ‘take an L’ or ‘take one for the team’ -the team of sex… the titty team… who knows? I am going to tell you to do the hardest thing it is to do: tell them the truth.
Now know that I am not saying to wait till play time when that person approaches you with their dick-in-hand and say “Nope, your face has too much ugly for my liking”. Nor am I telling you to text the person right now with a long apology and explanation of all the things about them that you do not find attractive. I am saying to BE HONEST WITH PEOPLE AS SOON AS YOU MEET THEM. BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE aesthetically and what you look for in the personality of those you swing with.
If you're reading this and thinking “I have never swung with anyone I did not find completely hot” then: Welcome to the lifestyle! I am glad your first and only experience was enjoyable!! But if you can sympathize with me then here is a little list of the possible things you might find unattractive in another person and some tips on
THE POLITE WAY TO SAY "NO"
First Fixable Issue: THE PERSON OF INTEREST IS NOT A GOOD FIT, literally. This person is too skinny or too big or too muscular or bony or too whatever it is , something about their body your body disagrees with. You might like the candy but not the package.
Solution: BODY'S CHANGE ESPECIALLY WOMEN'S BODIES. Unless it is a health issue you should NEVER make a suggestion to any one, man or woman, about their body type or weight. Telling someone to gain or lose weight is insulting. However telling someone your preferences from the jump is the best way to avoid having a BBW chasing after you when you are known to consider Tyra Banks a plus size girl.
Extreme Solution: You have found that this person is still very UNattractive to you and yet they are still attracted to you. You want to make your friendship work but you can NOT get over this superficial issue. Don’t think you’re shallow, sex is very much linked to the visual. Ask them about their health goals and see if they also believe there is an issue. IF THEY STATE THAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO GAIN OR LOSE WEIGHT THAN ENCOURAGE THEM, and even tell them that you think it is a great choice for you and their relationship as well. If it is a real goal of theirs they won’t get offended by hearing that their ideal body will be appreciated by their lovers.
Second Fixable Issue: You like this person regularly but they have their vice and it can really affect them. We all know that alcohol, legal and illegal drugs are present in all communities and swinging is not exempt.YOU WANT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME BUT NOT WHILE THEY ARE "AFFECTED ".
Solution: This is a really easy one because a lot of times people use substances in order to lessen their inhibitions and be more attractive in the eyes of their lovers. SIMPLY TELLING THEM HOW SEXY THEY LOOK SOBER will be a big boost for them to drop that drink and put that pill away. No one wants to look foolish.
Extreme Solution: You have explained to the person how much more fun you have when they are sober (say no more than this, you do not want to sound judgmental) but that person is still engaging in the behavior in your presence. THAT MEANS THEY HONESTLY HAVE LITTLE REGARD FOR YOUR OPINION AND IT IS BEST TO END INTIMACY WITH THAT PERSON. That could also mean that they have an abuse problem. It is NOT your place, unless you are a counselor, to diagnose anyone but if you know the person’s S.O. or if you are a close friend consider that person’s health and encourage them to seek help.
Third Fixable Issue: You enjoy the person’s company but can’t get your anaomy to function. You know it is not stress or biology, YOU SIMPLY ARE NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THIS PERSON but you love the conversation.
Solution: If it’s an issue with performance (a minute man with a Chihuahua thrust or a girl who thinks the clit is the only spot to lick on a vagina) then you can just SHOW THEM HOW YOU LIKE IT DONE. Be ADAMANT about that being your preferred sex-style and if they want to please you, they will adhere. IF IT IS NOT THE STYLE OF SEX BUT SIMPLY SEX IN GENERAL THAN YOU MAKE THEM YOUR 'CUDDLE BUDY'. You can say it jokingly or you can seriously ask them to take out some time with you just to cuddle. Any lifestyler may be so used to raunchy offers that the chance to cuddle may surprise them at first. If they do take up your proposition then stick to it, dedicate some time to cuddling and chatting with that person genuinely. If they try to make a move then gently remind them that this is the cuddle time they promised you and that is all you intend to do. Cuddle. Nothing more.
Extreme Solution: So... less
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